🌿 HELLO ME DIARY: I guess, I just… outgrew it.

A short, random thought I felt strangely drawn to write down tonight.
🤷‍♀️ Maybe it was meant for you or maybe its just me venting.

I’ve had a drink one time in the last two and a half years.

And honestly? It wasn’t even satisfying.

I didn’t really enjoy it. I remember thinking about the coffee I could’ve bought instead, the treats I could’ve gotten the kids, or even how much smaller my bill would’ve been if I’d just ordered a soda. 🙃😳

I’m not sure when it happened.
Somewhere along the way, I changed, and I didn’t even notice it happening.

I’m not sure when drinking went from fun, to something I did because everyone else was doing it, especially in social situations, to something I simply stopped caring about.

At some point, I realized I didn’t even care if someone noticed I wasn’t drinking.

But I did notice something else.

The invitations to lunch started disappearing.
The invitations to sit around and gossip over a drink became fewer and farther between.

People started finding someone else who would order a drink with them while they vented.

And I found that a little strange.

Because apparently an overpriced, alcoholic, empty-calorie beverage somehow changes my ability to listen or give terrible advice. 😂

Spoiler: It doesn’t.

Even when I enjoyed drinking, I never particularly enjoyed the after.

The headache.
The “oh crap, I spent THAT much?” moment.
The occasional “Did I really say that?” realization.
And eventually, the fun is over and you’re left with the aftermath of the fun.

And I’ve experienced a lot of aftermath. I was someone who had definitely been known to overdo it.

I’ve had plenty of “oh crap” moments right alongside the actual craps. 💩😂

For years, I kept Baileys in the fridge, Captain Morgan in the cabinet, or wine around the house. I’d pour myself a little something in the evening once everyone settled down for the night.

It helped me sleep. 💤 
Everyone knew what to buy me for my birthday. 😂🎂

But somewhere along the way, 
I guess, I just… outgrew it.

I don’t regret the fun I had. Not really.
Maybe I regret some of the money I spent. Definitely. 😂

But I don’t look back at that version of myself with shame.
I just don’t need her anymore.

What I do find myself missing sometimes are the occasions that apparently came with her.

The lunches.
The conversations.
The sitting around and venting.
The feeling of being invited simply because someone wanted my company.

Because I’m still here!

Still the same chaotic, slightly ridiculous, coffee-fueled, manic mom.

I can still listen.
I can still laugh.
I can still sit on the porch or the other side of the table and hear all about your problems.

And I can absolutely still give you the same questionable advice. 😜💛

I just don’t need a drink in my hand to do it anymore.

Until next time…
Keep building a beautiful life between coffee & chaos,
💛 Tiffany

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